I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
