How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
