yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its liver damage thursday
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
