Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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