i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
