Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
