The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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