We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
