hell yes lets make some ravioli
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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