if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
