You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
