Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
