how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
