Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
