I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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