dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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