I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
