3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
