so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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