Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
