Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
