i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
