this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
