i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
