i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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