I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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