Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
