I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would fuck him just for his dog
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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