just come out here and I will go home with you...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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