this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
