I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
