wrigley field is MILF paradise
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
