watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
