if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
