if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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