We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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