Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
