So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
