Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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