Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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