Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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