I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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