finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
