Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize