It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Panties = found
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
