that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
