maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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