There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
