just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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