Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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