I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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