found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
