don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize