this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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