Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
