You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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