i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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