Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
