i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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