She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize