sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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