Non-Jews are for practice
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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