im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
