when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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