Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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