A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
