this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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