Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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