somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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