come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
