Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
