she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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