Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
